Matt Blandford's Witness, 2 March 2014

So I’ve gone almost three years here in the BCC, and up until now I have managed to escape giving the witness for Mass. I say “escape” because it has very much been a conscious avoidance of the subject whenever it gets brought up or whenever Kaitlyn would send out the emails asking for people to volunteer. It wasn’t until Emma directly emailed me asking me to write one that I finally decided, “Well, I guess it’s about time I stop hiding.” So here I am. For those who know how outspoken I am, it may come as a surprise that I would be so hesitant to give witness. The truth is that my faith is an aspect of my life that I have had a rather up-and-down relationship with for quite some time now. Growing up as the son of a religion teacher and eventual permanent deacon, let me tell you—I know most Church teachings and history like the back of my hand. Yet when it came to actually making my faith personal—actually making it mine—I falter. A lot. Part of it is due to a pride that makes it difficult for me to admit when I struggle. Part of it is due to an overly logic-based mind that gets too wrapped up in the facts and uses that as validation that, yeah, I’ve totally got a handle on this whole Catholic thing. Part of it is embarrassment being around all these wonderful people on Leadership Team who seem to have their faith so much more personally-built than I do. But the biggest part of it is that in my mind, I simply don’t have time. Ah, yes: time. How it eludes me. Between 4 straight semesters of 20 official credit hours (but often a couple more than that), a slew of organizations and other responsibilities, and, oh yeah, I should probably save time for my girlfriends and friends, it adds up to very little free time whatsoever. Unfortunately, what tends to get cast aside the most is my spiritual relationship with God. We always hear the prayers about relying on God (I know in high school I heard the prayer about “I had so much to accomplish/ That I had to take time to pray” at least 50 times), yet for me at least, this always felt nearly impossible. Even when I had down time, my mind was always running through 5 different things at once so I couldn’t concentrate on prayer even when I tried. Amid all the stress and worries of the world, I felt—and often still feel—a slave to my own commitments. Yet as Jesus pointed out in today’s Gospel, that’s not what God wants. Jesus uses the example of serving God and serving money, but it’s not just money He wants to warn us about—it’s everything. Money, high grades, popularity, relationships, hobbies, organizations—they all can be our masters. Now, that’s not to say that we shouldn’t do those things; very few of us are called to stay in our room and do nothing but pray 24/7. But amid all of the running around today, we need to take that time to stop, take a deep breath, and give God a wazzup. The first time I realized that I was struggling to make my faith personal and not an obligation was the summer after freshman year of high school. I was at ND Vision, a weeklong retreat at Notre Dame, and over the week, I had started to realize how little time I was devoting to God in my life. When it came for Reconciliation, I started with the usual list that I’m sure every priest hears. Then I paused, and before I knew it, a rush of words flew out of my mouth of how I had no idea what to do, but I had just suddenly realized that my faith wasn’t where I should be. It was the first and only time I have ever cried during Reconciliation. When I finished, I looked up embarrassed, to see the priest softly smiling. I’ll never forget what he said to me. He said, “Never forget: God wants to talk to you. And He’s ready to sit down and talk whenever you’re ready.” It was so simple, but it was exactly true, and exactly what I needed. I wish that I could say that since that moment, I’ve changed it around and now pray every day and am a model Catholic, but that’s just not true. I can honestly admit that if it wasn’t for the choir, I would probably barely be participating in my faith above the bare minimum, and I certainly wouldn’t be on Leadership Team. What I do know, however, is this: no matter what, no matter how often I forget or how lazy I become, no matter how much I feel that I just don’t have time and that it’s too late to turn things around, I know that God’s waiting. He doesn’t want to be just our master; He wants to be our friend.